Co-written with Wayne Bonner in 2001. Wayne was supposed to write a play for a class, and being that I was a bit more creative I helped out.
SHEKKI: Snowboarding is that special art, yes it is an art, which touches the heart as our minds watch the graceful man glide through the air. Many will argue that no sport, especially snowboarding, can be qualified as an art. I, in my state of outstanding expertise, beg to see this from an alternate point of view. Snowboarding has the following characteristics of art grace, style, and skill.
CLEATTIS: Shekki, the stupid idiot, says that snowboarding is an art. He has no idea what he is talking about. Snowboarding is strictly a sport and that is all there is to it.
SHEKKI: What is up with Cleattis my name isn’t even really Shekki. He just gave me the name because he thought it was a cool boarder name. The fact is that if anyone’s mom gave him that name she would probably end up disowned. I don’t even like snowboarding, that much. More importantly I don’t like Cleattis. All I’d have to do is make one phone call and he’d be shoveling manure off world for the rest of his career.
CLEATTIS: Talk to me like that again and you’ll be eating it
SHEKKI: You don’t have a say in this. Everything you say is unimportant. I don’t like you. Nobody likes you. Not even your mother.
CLEATTIS: Don’t make fun of my mother.
SHEKKI: Well it’s true.
CLEATTIS: So what
SHEKKI: You’re fifty years old. Every time you go boarding you end up with your face in the snow. Don’t you think it’s about time you gave up? Leave snowboarding for the younger generation.
CLEATTIS: I’ve had enough; it’s over for you.
SHEKKI: Just put the gun down. You’re too blind to hit a moose five feet in front of you. So just put it down and let’s end this charade. I’m warning you put the gun down.
CLEATTIS: You’re warning me, I’m the one with the gun here.
SHEKKI: But I’m the one with the guts and the vigor. You can’t even shop at Wal-Mart without your mom’s help. It’s high time I got rid of you. You think you’re the only one with a gun…
CLEATTIS: Where’d you get that?
SHEKKI: It’s all over for you knuckle head.
CLEATTIS: Why I ought to drop an F-Bomb.
SHEKKI: What good is that going to do you?
CLEATTIS: Help, somebody help me. He’s got a gun…