A rock opera written and performed in 12th grade drama class. ca. 2001.

Cast

Earl Adventures – Jack Everett
Virginia – Gloria M.
Mr. Simmons – Blake Draper
Billy Bob – Jacob Moon
Melvin Martin – Matt H.

Act I

Scene 1

(Earl is opening his locker he sees Billy)

Earl
Howdy Billy

Billy
Yo Earl

Earl
You going to your next class

Billy
I reckon I don’t know what my next class is

(Earl hits billy on the back of the head)

Earl
Chemistry, with me, gopher breath

Billy
(Pauses)

Earl
I reckon you ain’t never been there.  Just let me get my book… Hey what’s this?

Billy
It’s a note I reckon (trying to read of his shoulder) from Virginia.

Earl
I can read, don’t you got a siblin to kiss.

Billy
How’d you know about Bessie?

Earl
Huh?

Billy
Nuthin. Who is this Virginia any way I don’t reckon I ever met her.

Earl
Well let me tell you about her…

(Earl sings “Meet Virginia”)

Scene 2

(In chemistry class Virginia is seated Earl walks in Virginia stands up and walks up to him)

Virginia
(shyly) Did you get my note.

Earl
I reckon I did.

Virginia
So what do you think?

Earl
Well um I never actually read it I was to busy telling Billy ‘bout you.

Virginia
(excited) Really.

Earl
Yeah I sure think…

(Mr. Simmons cuts him off and they scurry to their seats)

Mr. Simmons
All right class role (he grabs a notepad and reads the role as he reads Virginia is using a body language to speak to Earl is confused) Adventures… Adventures, Earl… (angry) Mr. Adventures please turn around and pay attention.

Earl
Yes sir (he salutes)

Mr. Simmons
(clears his throat) Bob, Billy…

Earl
He’s here

Mr. Simmons
Where?

Earl
Out in the corridor I reckon.

Mr. Simmons
You reckon? Well I don’t see him he isn’t here (makes a large motion as he marks Billy absent on the role) Hazard, Duke(looks to see the student is present) Garriot, Rich…

Billy
(bursts into the room) I’m here Mr. Simmons.

Mr. Simmons
You’re late… that’s the fiftieth time this weak.

Billy
But ain’t there only seven days a week.

Mr. Simmons
Take your seat (Billy sits down) now class open your books to page 105.

Billy
I reckon I forgot my book

Mr. Simmons
Did you remember your pants

Billy
Huh

Mr. Simmons
Your purpose in this class is to study chemistry and hence an important part of your life more important than even wearing your clothes so I ask again did you remember your pants.

Billy
Yeah, darn tootin.

Mr. Simmons
Why are you so sloppy any way.

Billy
(thinking) Well I reckon its because I’m a teenage dirtbag. (An intelligent thought) Yeah that’s it.

(Billy sings I’m just a “teenage dirtbag”)

Scene 3

Mr. Simmons
Today we’ll be learning about the mathematics of Chemical Equations chapter 10. We’ll cover Avogadro’s hypothesis, molar volume, mass, reactant excess, and formula unit. (Earl raises his hand)Yes Mr. Adventures.

Earl
Mr. Simmons how’d you learn about chemistry.

Mr. Simmons
Well let me tell you…

(Mr. Simmons sings chemistry)

Scene 4

(Martin Melvin walks in the door holding a note)

Martin
May I interrupt

Mr. Simmons
What is it

Martin
Looks like one of your students is checking out or something

Mr. Simmons
(Takes the note and looks at it) Mr. Adventures (he holds out the note)

Earl
(gets up and walks towards Mr. Simmons) What is it

Mr. Simmons
Go to the vice principles office.

Earl
Huh, what did I do?

Mr. Simmons
I don’t know just be quick

Martin
Yeah you redneck sonofagun beat it.

(Martin sings “beat it”)

(Earl takes his leave)

Virginia
(crying to herself) Oh Earl where do you go?

Mr. Simmons
Virginia do you have something to say.

Virginia
Why yes. Yes I do.

(She gets up in front of the class and sings goodbye earl)

(exeunt)

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